man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
