I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
