just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
