I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
