I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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