I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
