Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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