I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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