I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize