From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
