So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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