You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
