I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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