I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
sex in a hospital.. check
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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