you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
