apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
