Sponge bath it is.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
