I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
