The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
