Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's rum buckets o'clock
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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