If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
