your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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