I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
two words: eviction party
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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