there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
