just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
