im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
