I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
