That's when you crack a 10am beer
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
