tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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