R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize