When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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