I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
