my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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