The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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