Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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