Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
