its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You ate ashes out of my bong
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
