At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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