mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
