I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
