I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
