I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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