new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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