I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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