oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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