All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
