it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
