Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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