Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
