it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is the high leading the old right now
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
