I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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