When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
