Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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