that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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