I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You are the jesus of drinking
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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