This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
