I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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