does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
