We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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