bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
