If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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