I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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