Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
