I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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