Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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