Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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