The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
