I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize