Soap is not a condiment
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
