How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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