Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
