In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
