Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
