Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
