I think I won the penis lottery.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize