the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
