I just made out with a guy for $7.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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