found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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